Lenny Explains…Italy

How much do you love me right now? Yet another new column!

Welcome to Lenny Explains... Other names thrown around for this series included “Lenny Breaks Down:”, “Lenny Breaks it Down”, “Lenny Explains it All:”, and “What Lenny Knows About…”.

We’ll see, maybe I’ll end up changing it, but for now, Lenny Explains…Italy!

This series was inspired by an exchange I had on a “friends” Facebook page. He’s a guy I used to play hockey with before he quit our team midseason. Now he’s living in Italy. Another friend asked him if he was going to be coming back next season to play on the team, which prompted me to post this comment:

“…the better question is, even if his is coming, do you want him? The deserter hasn't played in over a year. He's been living in Italy, eating pizza seven times a day. He's completely useless.”

Which in turn drew this comment from a fourth party:

“Italy is not that bad.... :(”

And this one:

“and we don't eat pizza seven times a day...”

And I commented some more and it was a whole back and forth.

So now, I’m gonna explain Italy. To be sure, I’m no neophyte, I spent about 3 months living there earlier in my life. And here’s the photographic evidence:

Italy

Okay first, because it was already mentioned, and because I fucken love it, Italy is where Pizza comes from, yay!! Yum! True story, while looking for pictures of pizza to use here, I was so overcome with pizza desire that I had to stop writing and go get some. Like I said, yum!

 

Ferrari! Ferrari’s, like pizza also come from Italy. Sadly, unlike the pizza, I couldn’t go out and get one of these…you know, cause I had to get this article finished, duh. Ferrari’s are exquisite works of art that you can actually play with, not like a stupid painting. These are probably more yum than pizza.

 

Monica Bellucci. Monica Bellucci. Monica Bellucci. This woman oozes sex. It seeps from every fiber of her being. If Helen of Troy was the face that launched a thousand ships, then Monica Bellucci is the body that inspired a thousand lustful thoughts…in me…right now.

Monica too is a product of Italy, though a major point of contention in my Facebook battle is just how Italian she is now (my conclusion – who cares? Just look at her!). Monica is a woman of the people. Always giving the people what they want – her, naked, onscreen. It’s harder to find a movie where she isn’t naked then to find one where she is, and more power to her. I would have said God bless her right there, but clearly, he already has.

Monica Bellucci, Italian. Tastier than the pizza, and more fun to play with than the Ferrari. (Monica, if you ever run for office, you have my permission to use that quote as a campaign slogan.) And with that, I declare Monica yummiest of the three. More proof of that below. (click to enlarge)

 

 

Now my final point by way of explaining Italy:

Italy – it’s the country shaped like a French whore’s Fuck Me!

They should put that on the currency.

And that my friends is all there is to know about Italy.

- Lenny