Disrespectful? Moi?!!

Look at me being all international with that title. Now on with it.

I don’t get offended very easily. I get pissed off at the drop of a hat, but to offend me, it’ll take something special.

And that’s what we’ve got ourselves here. But first, the back-story…

The other day I was over my friends house. We’ll call her “Yolanda”.

So “Yolanda” was trying to show me this dating site that her uncle had signed her up for, but for whatever reason she couldn’t log in.

This was when I suggested that she try JDate.

There was a brief protest, but in the end she relented.

I looked on as she began to fill out the various sections now required to simply look at profiles.

Then she got to the “about me” part and nearly scrapped the whole idea.

After some tasteful and creative suggestions of mine were rejected, she decided to just fill it out herself. What she wrote went something like this:

“I’m…blah blah blah, and I also like to try new things, blah blah blah…”

“Try new things?” I said, “don’t put that, you’ll get a bunch of guys messaging you about anal.”

“Someone did yesterday.”

I jumped up (literally) in a fit of laughter. Some twelve minutes later when I was finally able to catch my breath, I naturally declared myself a clairvoyant svengali wizard.

“So who was this guy?” I asked.

“Just some guy I was talking to.”

“So what, you’re chatting and he just randomly asks you about anal?”

“I don’t know, it was late. I had been chatting with him for like an hour and then he asked if he could just call me.”

“Jeez, how late was it?”

“Like 3 a.m.”

“3 a.m.?! Are you serious? I’m surprised he didn’t ask if he could come over!”

She sheepishly admitted:

“He did.”

And another fit of laughter ensued. Followed by a proclamation of solidification of my clairvoyant svengali wizardry.

What you folks can’t possibly know is that my friend “Yolanda” is a bit of a prude.

“So how long had you been chatting online with this guy before you gave him your phone number?” I inquired.

“I had just started talking to him the day before.”

“What??! You talked to the guy for a day before giving him your phone number? Goodness. No wonder he’s talking to you about anal.”

“What, I shouldn’t have?" I don’t know. How long should I have waited? I honestly don’t know.”

And she doesn’t folks. Her prudishness is only matched by her naïveté. So she truly saw nothing wrong with simply having a phone conversation with a guy she just met online. She’s a bright 25 year-old who just got her Masters, but like many of these higher learned folks, she’s afflicted with a touch of social retardation.

But that’s more than enough back-story.

Fast forward two days, when I get a text from her that simply states “you’re stupid”. And cue another fit of laughter, the reason for which shall be explained shortly.

So I call her up to share the laugh, but she’s not having any of it. How could I? I had further ruined her already bad day. Plus more venom along those lines.

She was referring to a comment I had left on her Facebook page.

“It is not funny. It is so not funny. I’m friends with people from work on there. I can’t believe you did that.”

“Um, you’re right, it’s not funny, it’s hilarious!” I countered. “If only you could see it from where I’m sitting.”

“It’s not funny.”

“Yes it is.” We went back and forth like this for a minute or two until this:

“That was so disrespectful.”

Hold the fucken trolley folks! That’s when I flipped. Before I share that comment with you, if you’ve read any of my previous articles, you’ve probably got an idea of my sense of humor. “Yolanda” too, knows very well my idea of funny, and is a frequent recipient (participant?) of it’s end results (i.e. laughter). So that too, I believe plays a part in my becoming offended.

But before giving you my “disrespectful” comment, here’s another comment I’ve left on a Facebook page, this one being my Cousin’s (who also happens to be my best friend):

“Have you succumbed to your love of penis yet, or are you still trying to fight it?”

The only person that got offended (momentarily) was a gay friend of my cousin’s, and my cousin’s a fucken surgeon! Oh, and when his gay friend made a comment about my comment, I asked if he had succumb to his love of vagina.

See folks, I’m a trasher not a basher.

And now, the since deleted Facebook comment that brought you all here today:

“Dear Yolanda,

Would you care for a spot of anal?

Kindest Regards,

Lenny”

I clearly wasn’t asking her for anal! I was sharing an inside joke. I was poking (surprisingly, no pun intended) fun. I posted that with tears of laughter in my eyes, not with a hard-on in my pants, and no, it’s not because I wasn’t wearing pants. It was meant to, at worst, be embarrassing, but never disrespectful.

At most I expected admonishment for being, perhaps inappropriate. But disrespectful? Come off it Yolanda!

Shit like this turns me cold and distant towards a person right quick. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. As such, I did not apologize, nor do I plan to.

Any thoughts?

- Lenny

**I was thinking of calling this post “Anal on Facebook” in the hopes of attracting more readers, but I stopped myself for two reasons – 1. that would be disingenuous, and 2. it would have given away the ending.