Jeopardy Clue of the Day for September 4th

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $1200 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category TOUGH CAPITAL CITIES

“A FORMER SOVIET REPUBLIC: CHISINAU”

Answer:

“WHAT IS MOLDOVA?”

Zhe Muzarcountry! For real, there was no way this wasn’t going to be the COTD. Not only was I born in Moldova, but I was born in motherfucken Kishinev!!! Yes, Kishinev. I actually had to google that. Like “what the fuck is up with Jeopardy’s spelling”? But apparently this new “Chisinau” spelling is in vogue now. I’ve never been one to become attached to fads, so I’m sticking with the spelling I’ve known for low these many years.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for September 3rd

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $400 (video) clue from the Jeopardy round category OMAHA BEACH

“HOURS BEFORE HIS TROOPS STORMED THESE SHORES, HE TOLD THEM “YOU ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON THE GREAT CRUSADE TOWARDS WHICH WE HAVE STRIVEN THESE MANY MONTHS””

Answer:

“WHO IS EISENHOWER?”

Yeah! Fuck yeah! Lets go kill us some nazis!!!

Bonus Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $600 clue from the Jeopardy round category MYTHS & LEGENDS

“OVID COINED THE NAME OF THIS GREEK GOD OF DREAMS AS AN ALLUSION TO THE FORMS SEEN IN DREAMS”

Answer:

“WHAT IS MORPHEUS?”

Morpheus? Morpheus! Oh those wily Wachowskis!

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for September 2nd

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $800 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category HOW’S YOUR LATIN?

“LITERALLY “RARE BIRD”, IT’S USED TODAY TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING VERY UNUSUAL”

Answer:

“WHAT IS RARA AVIS ?”

Used today? Used by who? I’ve never heard it used once. What snooty jackass goes around saying “rara avis”? '”My that coat of yours is so rara avis!” “That accent you have is remarkably rara avis.” “It’s so rara avis of you to be showing me your breasts when I haven’t even plied you with alcohol yet.” On second thought, maybe it’s not such a bad phrase.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for September 1st

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $800 clue from the Jeopardy round category OTHER PLACES TO GAMBLE

“THIS ILLINOIS TOWN HAS A STATUE OF SUPERMAN AS WELL AS A CASINO”

Answer:

“WHAT IS METROPOLIS?”

There’s a town called Metropolis?!! Does it border Gotham City?? How am I only hearing about this now? I must move there – TODAY!

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 31st

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $1000 clue from the Jeopardy round category ALSO A VEGAS CASINO

“A COUPLE OF OWLS”

Answer:

“WHAT ARE HOOTERS?”

Few things in life take me back like this clue just has…

I once wrote something for 12th grade English class entitled “An Ode to Hooters: A Poem” (though I wasn’t talking about owls or casinos).

Then a year or so later, during my freshman year at CSUN, an MTV crew came to campus and was filming remotes for Loveline. I was filmed reciting my poem for Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky, as well as their guest on the night it aired, the musician Poe.

That clip of me on Loveline was selected as a highlight for Talk Soup, hosted by John Henson at the time. (As a sidenote, I did some work in Henson’s house a few years back and recited the poem for him, but he didn’t remember it.)

According to a friend, this same clip was then chosen as one of the year’s best on Talk Soup’s year end blowout show. This last accolade I can’t say that I myself bore witness to, so I shall label it “alleged”.

Everything else I written here is complete truth. Aside from the few and far between locker-room recitations, the poem is, for all intents and purposes, retired.

Bonus Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $200 clue from the Jeopardy round category CHALLENGING THE BARTENDER

“BARKEEP, IF YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF A MOSCOW MULE YOU CAN PROBABLY STILL GUESS THIS IS ITS PRIMARY LIQUOR”

Answer:

“WHAT IS VODKA?”

Ah Vodka, she is a cruel mistress.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 29th

Today’s Jeopardy Clue of the Day:

The $600 clue from the Jeopardy round category OFFICIAL STATE THINGS

“THIS FELINE WITH LONG, POINTED CANINES IS CALIFORNIA’S STATE FOSSIL”

Answer:

“WHAT IS THE SABERTOOTH TIGER?”

I’m sorry, “Official State Fossil”?!?! Really? Why? I mean, I get State Bird, State Flower, that type of shit, but a State Fossil? Where’s it gonna end? Is there an Official State Movie? An Official State Haircut? Official State Bubblegum? Whatever, I call dibs on Official State Asshole.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 28th

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $400 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category BOOK REVIEW

“THIS JOYCE NOVEL IS ABOUT A TRIP TO A BATH, FUNERAL, LIBRARY, MATERNITY HOSPITAL & BROTHEL”

Answer:

“WHAT IS ULYSSES?”

I don’t know dick about Ulysses, but that shit sounds like a fucken party! Was The Hangover based on this? At least loosely?

Bonus Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $800 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category ROCKS & MINERALS

“KERNITE, A MAJOR SOURCE OF BORAX, IS NAMED FOR KERN COUNTY IN THIS CALIFORNIA DESERT WHERE IT IS MINED”

Answer:

“WHAT IS THE MOJAVE?”

Holy shit, did you just say a major source of Borat?! Niiiiice! No? Borax? With an “x”? Oh. Nevermind.

Bonus Bonus Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $800 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category MOVIE STUMPERS

“PEGGY WAS THE REAL NAME OF THIS 1950’s NON-HUMAN CO-STAR OF RONALD REAGAN”

Answer:

“WHO IS BONZO THE CHIMP?”

Talk about progress. From being a mere co-star of a future president to having a son hold that very position. Check out the family album here.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 27th

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $200 clue from the Jeopardy round category LANDS O’ LAKES

“THIS HIGH SOUTH AMERICAN LAKE STRADDLES THE BORDER BETWEEN BOLIVIA & PERU”

Answer:

“WHAT IS LAKE TITICACA?”

Sometimes I go through the entire show unsure of which clue I’ll bestow COTD upon and end having to re-watch. Other times the clouds part and a ray of sunshine beams down, and I just know. Today was an example of the latter. A mere two minutes in and I was giggling like the immature schoolgirl that I am. Three cheers for juvenile humor!

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 26th

My internet was down for the past day and a half. Anyway, here’s Wednesday’s clue…

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $400 clue from the Jeopardy round category HELLO, NEWTON

“NEWTON MADE SOME OF HIS GREATEST DISCOVERIES WHILE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY WAS CLOSED BECAUSE OF THIS IN 1665”

Answer:

“WHAT IS THE PLAGUE?”

The. Plague. The Plague!!! And you thought you had it rough in school. I’m gonna remember this one next time pops is feeling nostalgic about walking 5 miles…barefoot…uphill…in the snow, just to get to school. I’m sorry, did you have to contend with dodging the plague anywhere along your journey? Didn’t think so.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 25th

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $400 clue from the Jeopardy round category THEY SHOULD HAVE PLAYED VEGAS

“AARGH! HE STUCK LONG LIT MATCHES UNDER HIS HAT TO FRAME HIS FAMOUS FACIAL HAIR IN FIRE; LET’S BOOK HIM AT TREASURE ISLAND”

Answer:

“WHO IS BLACKBEARD?”

That’s fucken Gangster (yes, with an “e-r”, I’m retro like that)! I mean talk about commitment to a persona – he risked burning his face off to simply look more ominous, so as to strike fear into the hearts of men. But I bet it was never even his intention to be looked upon as a big meany. Sometimes people just can’t get past outward appearances. He was probably just misunderstood. The thing is, there comes a point when you say “fuck it, everyone wants a big bad Blackbeard, well by golly, that’s what I’ll give ‘em! I just wanted to laugh and dance and play, but nooooo, Blackbeard’s mean and scary. Well fine then, I’ll show ‘em mean and scary. Just they wait and see.”

Bonus Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $400 clue from the Jeopardy round category TECHNO LUST

“THIS SEARCH SITE’S BROWSER CALLED CHROME HAS AN INCOGNITO MODE FOR ANONYMOUS SURFING”

Answer:

“WHAT IS GOOGLE?”

Dear Jeopardy,

          Why must you be so coy? Don’t beat around the bush (heh heh), you’re not fooling anyone. People know exactly what you mean when you say “anonymous surfing”. Not that Google themselves are any better…“incognito”, yeah sure. They might as well have optimized this particular mode for one-handed browsing. And that incognito icon?! Are you kidding me? I’d rather allow potential access to my farm animal fetish porn browsing history than have to see that creepy-ass pedophile silhouette staring down at me from the upper-left hand corner of my screen.

Sincerely,

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 24th

Today’s Jeopardy (Tournament of Champions) Clue of the Day:

The $1600 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category THE JOURNEY OF LIFE

“ELLIOT JAQUES COINED THIS TERM FOR WHEN ADULTS REALIZE THEIR TIME WILL RUN OUT (SO BETTER BUY A SPORTS CAR)”

Answer:

“WHAT IS MID-LIFE CRISIS?”

Okay, so I’ve got several issues with this particular clue. First, what if in their 20’s an adult realizes their time will run out, but then they live into their 80’s? It would be a quarter-life crisis, but you’re walking around like a jackass calling it “mid-life”. And that’s the other thing…nobody knows when their gonna die, so how can anyone coin such a time dependant/referential phrase? I know that most people regard mid-life as in a person’s 40’s, but between you and me, I honestly don’t see myself living past my 60’s. Which would mean that since I’m 31, I’m in the midst of my mid-life crisis. Too bad I can’t afford a damn sports car. Guess I’m fucked…wait, what are my other options? Bang a 20 year-old? Same problem as with the sports car, can’t afford one. I also can’t stand ‘em, but that’s neither here nor there. Oh well.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 22nd

Today’s Jeopardy Clue of the Day:

The $2000 clue from the Jeopardy round category 12-LETTER WORDS

“A WOMAN IN CHARGE OF AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL, OR PERHAPS THE TOP LADY IN A HAREM”

Answer:

“WHAT IS A HEADMISTRESS?”

A headmistress…do I even need to bother?

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 21st

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $200 clue from the Jeopardy round category SCINTILLATING SYLLABUS

“AT THE UNIV. OF WISCONSIN YOU CAN TAKE A COURSE ANALYZING THESE DAYTIME TV PROGRAMS”

Answer:

“WHAT ARE SOAP OPERAS?”

Now that my friends is what I call money well spent! I wonder if they offer post-graduate courses on The Price is Right?

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 20th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $600 clue from the Jeopardy round category POP GOES THE CATEGORY

“HIS RETURN TO BICYCLE RACING TOOK A FALL WHEN HE FELL & WAS INJURED DURING A RACE IN MARCH 2009”

Answer:

“WHO IS LANCE ARMSTRONG?”

Fell on what? His one good testicle!? I think that if you’re walking around with only one nad, you should maybe take a little better care of it. Use a little more caution you know. Maybe don’t go anywhere without wearing the bottom half of a suit of armor. Or at the very least a cast-iron codpiece. Not cram it into a pair of shorts so tight they make an Asian nun’s vagina jealous, only to then be followed by repeatedly bouncing up and down on it in an apparent attempt to rupture it between his taint and a bike seat.

I don’t know, call me crazy.

What’s next? Is he gonna take the stage at a feminist rally and ask “what do you say to a woman with two black eyes”? If you don’t know the punchline to that, email me. I’ll respond right after I, merely as a precaution, slip into my titanium jock (not being facetious here either, I actually have a titanium jock).

Honestly, that motherfucker Lance Armstrong needs to be like Gollum and treat that nut like it’s his precious.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August August 19th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $1200 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category WOMEN IN GOVERNMENT

“AT 42, SHE BECAME ALASKA’S YOUNGEST GOVERNOR; RECENTLY, AT 44, SHE BECAME A GRANDMOTHER”

Answer:

“WHO IS SARAH PALIN?”

Now, far be it for me to question the Jeopardy powers that be, but I feel like the clue is incomplete. Like there are a few words missing from the end, and that it should more like this –

“recently, at 44, she became a grandmother(-fucking imbecile)”.

And also, while her condition wasn’t brought to the national spotlight until recently, I’m fairly certain a case as advanced as hers developed and spread over a  period of several decades. As for why her affliction was left untreated and allowed to enter into these late stages, that is beyond me.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 18th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $1000 clue from the Jeopardy round category WORLD COINS

“IN 2006 CANADA ISSUED A 25-CENT COIN DEPICTING A PINK RIBBON TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THIS DISEASE”

Answer:

“WHAT IS BREAST CANCER?”

The $200 clue had a coin shaped like a guitar, the $600 clue had a coin shaped like a heart, and the $800 clue was a pop-up coin of the Pope. So the obvious question being – are these coins anatomical? Do they have nipples? Are they hard? Is it because it’s chilly in here?

And what’s the deal with Jeopardy and Breast Cancer? Way to lighten the mood Trebeck!

Why did I leave out mention of the $400? Well, the $400 clue showcased Italy’s trouble with…you know what, fuck it, here:

Bonus Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $400 clue from the Jeopardy round category WORLD COINS

“A MAP OF EUROPE ON THIS COUNTRY’S 1997 1,000-LIRE COIN HAD SUCH ERRORS AS DEPICTING DENMARK AS PART OF GERMANY”

Answer:

“WHAT IS ITALY?”

I guess we can add another thing to the list of things I know about Italy – they’re stupid.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 17th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $200 clue from the Jeopardy round category SWEET STUFF

“JOSEF DELAROSE LASCAUX INTRODUCED THIS CONFECTION, AKA SPUN SUGAR, AT HIS DENTAL PRACTICE”

Answer:

“WHAT IS COTTON CANDY?”

Oh sure, you know Josef, he has that brother, Gustav, with the tire shop that invented the spike strip. And I believe they’re related to Helga, a second cousin on their mothers side. Helga, she’s the divorce lawyer who popularized prostitution.

Bonus Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

From the Final Jeopardy round category WORD ORIGINS

“BEFORE ITS USE IN JOURNALISM, IT MEANT A BOUNDARY BEYOND WHICH STRAYING PRISONERS WOULD BE SHOT”

Answer:

“WHAT IS A DEADLINE?”

Maybe I’m being nitpicky here, but wouldn’t it have been easier to simply, oh, I don’t know, put up a fence?

On second thought, simpler yes, but probably nowhere near as entertaining.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 15th

Today’s show was jam packed with worthy candidates. That’s part of the reason I didn’t get this post up any earlier. I hate that I had to narrow it down to just one, but I think this clue is truly deserving to the honor.

Today’s Jeopardy Clue of the Day:

The $1200 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category SIX FEET UNDER

“NEW ENGLANDER WHOSE EPITAPH, “I HAD A LOVER’S QUARREL WITH THE WORLD”, IS FROM HIS POEM “THE LESSON FOR TODAY””

Answer:

“WHO IS ROBERT FROST?”

Wow. They had a category in the first round that was all about quotes, the answers being the names of the persons who said them. I gotta say though, this quote - “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world”, blows all of those away. But not only is it a wonderful line, but it is one I can really relate to. Nothing witty, comical, or insightful to say here, just that I can relate to those particular words.

Oh and what the hell, since I didn’t really give you much with that last one…

Bonus Jeopardy Clue of the Day:

The $800 clue from the Double Jeopardy round category “BIG” LOVE

“ROOSEVELTIAN PARTNER OF “SPEAK SOFTLY””

Answer:

“WHAT IS BIG STICK?”

I got yer big stick right ‘ere!

Sorry, I had to. I couldn’t help myself.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 14th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $600 clue from the Jeopardy round category MOVIES & TV

“OF HIS DIALOGUE, THIS HAN SOLO ACTOR SAID, “YOU CAN TYPE THIS (STUFF), GEORGE, BUT YOU SURE CAN’T SAY IT””

Answer:

“WHO IS HARRISON FORD?”

Oh really Harrison? Big tough guy, huh? But where was all this righteous indignation when Lucas handed you the script for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The miserable steaming pile that turned out to be.

- Lenny

Jeopardy Clue of the Day for August 13th

Today’s Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $1000 clue from the Jeopardy round category “BACK” TO SCHOOL

“SECRET DIPLOMATIC NEGOTIATIONS ARE SAID TO GO THROUGH THIS”

Answer:

“WHAT IS THE BACKDOOR?”

That’s it, from this day forth I shall always refer to anal as “Secret Diplomatic Negotiations”! Maybe if I had been calling it “Secret Diplomatic Negotiations” all along, my friend “Yolanda” wouldn’t have felt I was being disrespectful. I shall test out this theory and possibly report back.

Bonus Jeopardy (College Championship) Clue of the Day:

The $200 clue from the same Jeopardy round category “BACK” TO SCHOOL

“SADDLELESS HORSE RIDING”

Answer:

“WHAT IS BAREBACK?”

Bareback?! Fuck that! I don’t know where she’s been.

But seriously, I think we’ve got ourselves a perv working over at Jeopardy. Or is it just me?

- Lenny